Moon Mondays: Are You Who I Am?
The Libra new moon, writer insecurity, and learning to stop looking outside ourselves for permission to be who we are.
I’m confident, strong, secure in who I am. Unruffled by the haters, I’m cool with being me — warts and all. Cue the Aspen Literary Festival.
I delightfully found myself hobnobbing with many of the authors, thanks to my sister-in-law, author extraordinaire Maria Semple. Tongue-tied, ruminating over what I’d said, I felt insecure in the presence of so many impressive writers I admire and aspire to be like.
In the moment, I thought, “Wow, I haven’t come as far as I thought.” My hard-won self-confidence had left the building. I hadn’t felt this level of self-doubt in quite a while, yet I was hyperaware of its familiarity. I could palpably feel the self-assurance I’d cultivated over the past few years sweating and slipping away.
I know my trauma-flavored onion is always at the ready — peeling back the next layer is inevitable. Wiping away the dirty residue damage left behind is an ongoing work in progress. Apparently, as soon as I reach a peaceful place, my soul decides I’m ready to shuck the next skin.
The beauty of healing is feeling safe enough to be my true self — it’s so freeing. It’s only a matter of time before I’m invited to tend to the next bruised spot, with even more freedom as the prize.
Despite my writer insecurity, I could feel how far I’d come. In the past, I probably wouldn’t have even been able to stay present, too busy wallowing in my self-perceived sucky-ness. This time, I could engage, listen and learn, even while worrying I’d misunderstood or said the wrong thing.
Which brings me to the new moon in Libra on Saturday. Libra compares itself to others. That’s ultimately how it learns about who it is — and isn’t. But it can take a while to get to the “isn’t” part. Libra is the sign of relationships, uncovering who we are through the people we surround ourselves with. That teaching can provide a brutal, in-your-face education.
Libra often abandons itself to keep the peace in relationships, compromising itself out of insecurity and doubt, incorrectly thinking everyone else is better or knows better. That’s one of Libra’s biggest lessons: ultimately arriving at a knowing of its inner self and worth, regardless of the reflections coming back from all those mirrors around it.
I think of Libra like P. D. Eastman’s children’s book Are You My Mother? — without the mother part. The title’s more like, Are You Who I Am? Am I Who You Are? Libra spins in these questions until it gets so fed up with self-doubt and abandoning itself that it starts peeling back the layers of its own onion to find its authentic core within.
This is the opportunity this Libra new moon offers each of us. What’s happening to you inside your relationships? Are you thriving or shrinking? Are you safe to be your freaky self, or do you make yourself smaller to keep the peace? If it’s the latter, how can you connect with the real you inside and honor yourself a tiny bit more?
This stuff isn’t easy. It starts with questioning, followed by honesty and awareness. Sometimes it’s simply acknowledging the truth to ourselves, even if we’re not yet ready to act. Or noticing when something doesn’t feel quite right, even if we think we’re the ones to blame. Sometimes what’s happening is far more serious; if someone is abusing you, you don’t deserve it — no matter how screwed up you may believe you are. No one does.
Take a cue from Libra’s path and find one little, itty-bitty place inside that you like and think you’re the cat’s meow. It’ll be our little secret. No one else has to know.
My Literary Festival experience pointed out where I’m still insecure around my deep desire to be a published author, like all these women and men I met and listened to. I wasn’t expecting the next layer to peel back at the festival, but in hindsight, it makes perfect sense. I want this badly. Of course it’s going to bring up, Mother, may I? Yes, I may!
Sheridan🌙
Moon Sisters Circle, Astrologer, and Astrology for Real Life Coaching